Something happened over the weekend. Something of the people. Something by the people. Something for the people.
It was…um…uber patriotic?
If you listen to the “incredible wisdom” of its leaders and participants, what happened is going to bring about the American Revolution.
You know, the REAL American Revolution. Not that watered down, lily-livered, copycat revolution way back in 1776.
Ammon Bundy, son of the entitled, millionaire rancher Cliven Bundy, otherwise known as the Notorious BND, joined the cause of some other entitled, rich white people (the Hammond Family), and backed by some crazy, paramilitary-dreams-having, entitled, white people with an overabundance of guns and American flags, symbolically dumped tea into Boston Harbor.
Except it wasn’t Boston Harbor. And it wasn’t treasured tea. And they didn’t daringly sneak aboard a merchant ship to dump the tea.
And it definitely was not about no taxation without representation.
In fact, it was actually about the ultimate form of white privilege and entitlement.
The “revolutionaries” staged a seizure of an empty federal building shuttered for the winter, in remote Burns, Oregon. In case you don’t know where that is, www.patriotmaps.com locates it as BFE.
Yes, they courageously took over an unoccupied, not-in-use building in the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge—a nature preserve, y’all—and are now bravely occupying it “for years to come” as they proclaimed to media.
What the “patriots” want are essentially unlimited—and free—access to federal land so they can graze their cattle without charge. They want something for nothing. They want billionaire ranchers’ welfare.
What they want is to have no consequences for their criminal activities like poaching and then setting fire to the scene of the crime to try to eliminate evidence.
That’s what it boils down to after you strip away all the “free men and liberty” noise.
They don’t believe the federal government has any right to claim any land as federal property and want unadulterated, unlimited, free use of that land for their own purposes. That is what sparked the standoff in Nevada between the Bundys and federal agents in 2014.
They’re trying to fight their fight in the name of the Hammonds, who don’t even want to be associated with them.
Their rally cry is “We’re white so we’re entitled to free stuff we want without being labeled lazy takers!” Okay, that’s not their official rally cry. But it is the truth.
Their message, released via video, is, “we’re calling people to come out here and stand….We have a place for you to stay warm. We have food planned and prepared. We need you to bring your arms.”
And then, two days into this well-planned and well-prepared “United We Standathon,” they sent word to “good people everywhere” to please send them some snacks…because, you know, hunger.
That, and they packed too much bubba beer.
These fools pretend to be patriots, talk a good game about occupying the facility for years, and shout atop their lungs that they’re willing to kill and be killed, if need be. And they didn’t even have mind enough to bring snacks.
They have plenty of ammo, but no Cheetos.
These guys don’t deserve the attention they’ve gotten from the federal government or the media. These guys don’t deserve any respect.
They carry the biggest freeloader, lazy taker mentality in the country, and are the most self-important, privileged people, but walk around the angriest and most armed because they are supposedly mistreated.
It’s no wonder the people of Burns, Oregon want nothing to do with these clowns.
It’s also no wonder the internet has blown up with people mocking them to death. These guys aren’t patriots. They’re Radical Christian Terrorists. And bumbling ones at that.
So go and have some fun at their expense. Join in the fun.
Look up any and all of these hashtags and go bash you some ass clowns:
Image via NBC News