It Isn’t Smart To Pay Taxes

It Isn’t Smart To Pay Taxes

Recent reporting from the New York Times reveals that President Trump’s son-in-law has paid no income tax for several years, despite his net worth of almost $324 million.  Considering the addition of his wife’s modest income of $12 million, it’s not a huge stretch to posit that they might have been able to afford to pay their taxes, especially with the Republican leaders in power passing ever more tax cuts designed to benefit honest middle-class families like theirs.

But don’t we want smart leadership?  Of course we do. And as our President has often informed us, avoiding one’s taxes is simply the smart thing to do.  Really, considering that Kushner is among the shadow council of sorcerers controlling the political golem that is his father-in-law, it would be truly concerning if this important man did something as foolish as paying the taxes he owes.

Paying taxes just isn’t smart.  What does the government need our money for, anyway?  Some might argue that tax funds pay for public schools, but I’ll remind you that schools are dangerous.  They encourage critical thinking and informed voting. And anyway, Secretary DeVos is on an efficient path toward making schools entirely obsolete.  This will also have the convenient side effect of eliminating school buses and programs that provide free lunches to children — both small but notable drains on taxpayer resources.  

If you’re silly enough to advocate for public schooling, you’ll probably also point out that our taxes pay for social security, unemployment, disability, and welfare.  You may argue that without these programs, many Americans would have a significantly worse quality of life — that they could become homeless, or even die, without the aid.  Your point is well taken, but I really think we ought to take the Trump family line on this: If they’re going to die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.

And, anyway, what do we really need our public infrastructure for?  Driveable roads, clean water, efficient sewage systems — these are the trappings of a weak, degenerate society.  A nation of strong, self-sufficient citizens wouldn’t need such luxuries. They could go to the well for their own water (which builds core strength), dig their own sewage trenches (which builds character), and get around by off-roading (which is fuckin’ awesome, man).  Really, all our tax dollars do is contribute to support systems for the kind of sissies that worry about frivolous things like “grandma’s retirement fund” and “not getting cholera.” And who needs them?

The Trump dynasty absolutely has the right idea.  We should look on this whole social contract thing with suspicion.  In the final analysis, isn’t it better if everyone just hoards their cash until they’re able to build a self-sufficient off-the-grid survivalist compound that can house their own family unit, and refuses to share resources with anyone else?  Isn’t that what the Founders fought for?

Don’t blame Jared Kushner for doing the smart thing.  You’re the idiot who’s throwing their money away on the fool’s dream of a stable society.  The next time you’re driving on the highway, listening to NPR on your way to work, just remember that.  Sucker.

Evangeline Van Houten

Daughter of a high school English teacher and an English professor, Evangeline is a survivor of Academia and an aspiring elegant person. She lives in St. Louis with her family and a lot of books.