What is a herb? A herb is a trend follower, a bullshitter, and an unlikeable person. Herby Breitbart’s Milo Yiannopoulos, the flamboyantly racist poster boy of the Alternative-Right’s crybaby persecution complex, is the herb king of the Alt-Right herbs.
The Alt-Right herd of herbs’ political motivation is paranoia that they have been victimized by contemporary efforts toward racial and gender equality. Largely a group of white, Europe-descended males, these herbs hate the buzzwords “diversity” and “multiculturalism,” no matter how positive these values seem to everyone else—even within the Republican Party, from which they are extricating themselves. The Alt-Right’s favorite term for a Republican is “cuck,” with which they imply that Republicans are allowing ethnic minorities to have sex with their wives via their promotion of free trade and rational immigration reform. See? They can’t help themselves but view everything through the lens of a racist, self-conscious masculinity complex!
The Alt-Right, as an attack-from-safety group of relatively anonymous Internet users, has a herb mentality in which certain clichés have emerged: they like to make believe on Twitter that they are Soviet KGB agents, they get upset when girls enter the world of video games, and they put parentheses around the names of people they think might have had a Jewish grandparent. They are basically Third Reich LARPers banding together online like a Trumpian version of the Hitler youth.
Milo Yiannopoulos happens to be the Breitbart boy scout with the most merit badges in classlessness. He has the professionalism of a middle schooler, and thrives off of negative attention with the same level of immaturity. He was recently banned from Twitter for ceaselessly harassing Ghostbusters actress Leslie Jones until she deleted her account, and he gloated online earlier this week when her website was obscenely hacked by sexist racists who hated the idea of female Ghostbusters. It’s fascinating that the Alt-Right focused on the single black Ghostbuster. See? They can’t help themselves but view everything through the lens of a racist, self-conscious masculinity complex!
One way to understand the Alt-Right’s political ideology is that it is a form of conservatism without the morals. It is inherently irreligious, but not in the good way because the Alt-Right has no concept of existential responsibility or even basic civility. It is a faux-populist movement that opposes the progressive change and social justice that a majority of Americans support because equality makes the Alt-Right’s privileged white males feel like everyone is being mean to them. And, like budding sociopaths, they think the controversy and anger that they provoke is funny. The Alt-Right is destructive and simultaneously not serious, which is why they are so self-congratulatory in their mockery of democracy. They embolden America’s nativist and xenophobic Id, but pretend that the media can’t take a joke when everyone gets mad. The Alt-Right’s brand of juvenile politics is regrettably effective when everyone else in the political world values respect and tolerance.
So get ready for the next manifestation of conservative fundamentalism: the Alternative-Right. The Tea Party has fallen out of relevance, yet the subconscious need for racist conservatives to be offensive herbs can never fade. If Donald Trump loses and goes away from politics, these herbs will still be here out-datedly attacking people on Twitter for being Jewish, telling us all how reverse-racism is worse than actual racism, and arguing that rape is less of a societal problem than the fact that women can sometimes get money after a divorce. It’s going to be uncomfortable watching so many Americans publicly fetishize the early 20th Century’s fake-scientific racism of Teutonic eugenics, but better prepare yourself now for the litany of Alt-Right Holocaust jokes coming our way.
In conclusion, it is unfortunate that the Alt-Right exists. This fringe community has committed itself to offending mainstream America in a political cult of self-congratulatory herbery, and Milo Yiannopoulos is the temporary, self-indulgent Herb King. The only satisfaction is that the Alt-Right’s paranoia will likely implode in on itself, and Milo Yiannopoulos will probably be an early victim of it’s jihad against mainstream politics. Breitbart desires advertising profits, and inevitably the Alt-Right fundamentalists who aren’t doing it for the money will be accusing Yiannopoulos and Breitbart of being Libtards.
Image via IB Times