During Wednesday morning’s broadcast of ESPN2’s First Take, host and rancid contrarian Skip Bayless took a conversation about Marshawn Lynch and his mother and turned it into a revelation about his own relationship with his partner. Bayless and his colleague, the equally nauseating Stephen A. Smith, decided to debate about the silly story surrounding the Seattle running back’s mother and a Facebook post she made after Sunday’s loss to the St. Louis Rams. In the since-deleted post, Lynch’s mom called for the Seahawks’ offensive coordinator to be fired.
According to Bayless, Lynch should be either suspended or fined for the actions of his family member. In Bayless’ expert and totally unbiased opinion, pro athletes and pretty much anyone in the public eye need to be held completely accountable for anything one of their relatives or friends publicly says. Therefore, Lynch needs to be punished for something his mother put up on her Facebook page in the heat of the moment. Yes, I am not making any of that up.
However, it would get far, far, far worse from there. In making his case, Bayless said that he won’t allow his life partner Ernestine to join Twitter because he fears that she’ll say something that will come back to harm him publicly. See, since he’s a public figure being on the TV and everything, his little woman needs to be quiet and sit in the corner while daddy does work.
“You know Ernestine, my Ernestine? She has wanted to be on Twitter for the last two years. She is more opinionated than I am and she is definitely more knee-jerk and opinionated than I am, and I just flat out said ‘No, you are not going to join Twitter.’ You’re not going to have your own Twitter site because I would be held accountable by you hitting send in all your anger and passion spilling over about something that somebody said about me that I don’t even care about. So I don’t want to be held accountable for that. My dear. My darling. So, no, you’re not going to be on Twitter because you would be hitting send, send, send. And I would go down, down, down.”
Smith made things even weirder by saying that he “loves himself some Ernestine” and that he can “completely concur” with Skip that Ernestine doesn’t need to be on Twitter. Bayless added that he wouldn’t want anybody to get a hold of Smith’s phone due to the type of texts his partner has sent his colleague. (Seriously, what the fuck is going on with these three?)
So, let’s recap, shall we? Skip Bayless thinks Marshawn Lynch should be punished for something his mother said. To make his point, he reveals that he forbids his partner to have a social media account so she won’t say anything to publicly hurt his image. Finally, it seems like Stephen A. has some sexytime messages from Bayless’ woman on his phone and Skip is totally cool with it.
What did we learn from all of this? Please don’t watch First Take. Ever.