During an appearance on Talk Show For Dummies ™ Fox & Friends Tuesday morning, surging GOP Presidential candidate and sleepy-eyed sociopath Ben Carson revealed just how motherfucking badass he really is by explaining that he would have Mark Wahlberged the shooter who killed nine people at an Oregon community college last Thursday. The retired neurosurgeon also said that if he were President, he’d skip visiting the town and just make time to go to the next one, obviously inferring that mass shootings are a regular and perfectly acceptable part of American life.
Regarding President Obama’s scheduled trip to Roseburg, Oregon on Friday, Fox & Friends host and blank-stare enthusiast Brian Kilmeade asked Carson about his thoughts and what he would do if he were POTUS. The good doctor first whined about Obama “politicizing” the tragedy and not offering solutions. (Ummm, wouldn’t pushing for the passage of gun control laws actually be an offering up of solutions, even if you don’t agree?) Carson then went on to say that if he were in office, he wouldn’t visit Roseburg, stating that he “would have so many things on my agenda that I would go to the next one.”
While criticizing the President for being a crass politician, the Tea Party darling kissed the ring of the NRA by claiming that while he didn’t have any real policy proposals or solutions of his own, he knew for an absolute fact that any and all gun control measures would fail because Second Amendment and freedom.
“Anything that they’ve proposed doesn’t stop anything. Guns don’t kill people, and the Second Amendment is extremely important. And Daniel Webster said that America would never suffer tyranny because people are armed.”
While these comments were all fucking ridiculous on their own, Carson went into sublime delusional territory when he puffed up his chest like Rambo and claimed that he wouldn’t have stood by like a sucker while Chris Harper-Mercer was mowing down victims. Simultaneously proclaiming himself a big-dicked warrior while victim-blaming dead college students, Carson proudly stated that he would not have idly stood by during Thursday’s mass shooting and would have sacrificed himself to save everyone else.
“Not only would I probably not cooperate with him, I would not just stand there and let him shoot me. I would say, ‘Hey guys, everybody attack him. He may shoot me, but he can’t get us all.’”
Seriously, what the actual fuck? The sad thing is this kind of clownish rhetoric will likely play well with the gun-stroking ammosexual wing of the Republican Party and bump him up a little more in the polls. Le sigh.
Below is video of the segment, courtesy of Fox News: