Obama’s Reptilian Presidency: A Conspiracy Retrospective

Obama’s Reptilian Presidency: A Conspiracy Retrospective

This week’s second GOP debate featured a lovely plethora of anti-Obama rhetoric, as could be expected.

To listen to the Republican presidential candidates is to hear that, because of Obama (and apparent Co-President Hillary Clinton), America is an economic, political, social, and existential wasteland. Though they do not want you to forget that America is still the greatest country that has ever existed and will ever exist.

Since America is now interviewing candidates to succeed him, let’s take a retrospective walk down memory lane of some of the funniest and most outlandish accusations levied against the President both during his presidency and before he was even elected:

-he was born in Kenya and is legally barred from being President, a fact he admits himself in his own books.

-he killed his grandmother to hide the truth about his Kenyan birth.

-his real father was Malcom X.

-he speaks fluent Arabic.

-he is coming to take everyone’s guns, freedom, retirement money, and gold.

-he is paradoxically an atheistic, secular, Muslim, fascist, socialist, communist, neocolonialist, American-apologetic, tyrannical, totalitarian, do-nothing, weak-kneed, mom jean-wearing, elitist, incompetent, professorial, community-organizing, absolutist monarch.

-he refuses to say the pledge of allegiance.

-he faked the letters he supposedly sent to college girlfriends.

-he is gay, and was once publicly married to a Pakistani man.

-he hates the American flag, refuses to wear a flag lapel pin and even took the flag off of Air Force One.

-he redecorated the White House according to Middle-Eastern fashion.

-he was sworn in as President with a Koran.

-he says in speeches, if played backwards, “Serve Satan”.

-he is the Antichrist, and will personally lead armies against second-coming Jesus.

-he was a lawyer instrumental in causing the 1995 economic recession.

-he swore allegiance to the Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood.

-and my personal favorite, he is an alien, reptilian, lizard-person overlord (like most American political leaders).


Levi Olson

Levi Olson

Senior political columnist here at Contemptor, and a political scientist proving that American conservatism is a sham. Follow me on Tumblr at http://leviolson.tumblr.com/ or on Facebook & Twitter @theleviolson.